Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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