you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize