YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
