Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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