So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
