My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so let's talk penis.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
