This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
