I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
