Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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