It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
