I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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