true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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