hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
