She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
