oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
