could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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