he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
