Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
