Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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