I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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