I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
