wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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