Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
