in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
