I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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