I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
