Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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