Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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