Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
