I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
