I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize