Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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