i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
