can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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