forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
