so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
