so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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