I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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