Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
