Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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