If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
