Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dignity is for republicans.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
