So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
