Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
