he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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