but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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