I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
