Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i love accidental penises.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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