nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
