Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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