Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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