so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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