So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
