I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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