I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
