dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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