He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
