If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
