Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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