Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
