My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
