My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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