I can text with my tongue
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
