Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
