I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
