the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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