i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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