you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
