these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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