So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
