You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
