i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
