I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
