this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
